


Safe

by ArthurtheGatekeeper



Series: Only yours [3]
Category: The Witcher (TV), Wiedźmin | The Witcher - All Media Types
Genre: Bad BDSM Etiquette, Cheating, Date Rape Drug/Roofies, Dissociation, Dubious Consent, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Established Relationship, Implied consensual sex between minors, Jaskier's relationship with his own consent is dubious at best, M/M, Scenes with Several of Jaskier's former partners, Valdo and Priscilla and The Countess being them, actually no sex between our boys at all, no non con between main cast, specifically on Jaskier's part for not saying no, when someone trys to reestablish consent
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-04
Updated: 2020-09-04
Packaged: 2021-03-06 22:55:06
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,767
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26276749
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ArthurtheGatekeeper/pseuds/ArthurtheGatekeeper
Summary: Their were courts you didn't play at.Courts where the wife’s wandering hands might cost you your own, where the lords had made a habit of hurting their partners or liked to slip things into drinks, or simply didn’t pay.But even after all these years sometimes luck and skill and fate abandoned them. And you had to choose.(Fine as a standalone.)
Relationships: Geralt z Rivii | Geralt of Rivia/Jaskier | Dandelion, Jaskier | Dandelion/Countess de Stael, Jaskier | Dandelion/Priscilla, Jaskier | Dandelion/Valdo Marx
Series: Only yours [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1855573
Comments: 54
Kudos: 335





	Safe

**Author's Note:**

> REMINDER!!! Tags!!!! Jaskier does not have a good time in this fic! He's had a Lot of bad experiences that are brought up. None of the scenes are very explicit and no non-con ever happens between any non OC characters but like. Please take care of yourselves.

There were courts you didn’t play at.

Courts where the wife’s wandering hands might cost you your own, where the lords had made a habit of hurting their partners or liked to slip things into drinks, or simply didn’t pay.

Knowing these things kept bards alive.

It was a skill the teachers actively encouraged in them. Know exactly who was sleeping with who, who had feelings for who, and how they treated each other. Know how to read a room and disengage, disarm or depart.

They couldn’t give a grade for it but the students who couldn’t were gently taken into offices and told to change their course.

There were expectations about bards, Professor Nowak had explained to them after a few drinks. Especially about traveling bards, but also bards in general.

That they’d be excellent in bed. They’d giggled at that, elbowing each other, sticking out their tongues and shoving each other. So they had to be brutally honest with each other when they shared beds so that they would be.

That they’d try anything. He’d wiggled his eyebrows at Valdo then who’d shoved his face away and Priscilla wrapped her arms around his chest, rubbing her cheeks against the new stubble there. So they had to be adventurous in all aspects of their lives.

A good bard had to have good stories. It was their livelihood after all.

And – Nowak downed his drink grimly in a way that made them still – that they’d always be willing. That there were plenty of people in this world who saw bards as whores you only had to pay with a smile and a bed or a meal. That they would meet plenty of those people- because those people sought them out – and they had to figure out how to live with that. Or find another profession.

That one day their songs would fail them and they’d have to choose between the leerer at the bar who’d grabbed them as they sang or sleeping in the rain.

That they’d find out the noble who they loved _oh so dearly _wanted them to do something that made them ill and saying no might mean a winter in the streets.__

__That one day they’d read a situation wrong and find themselves on the receiving end of something they didn’t want._ _

__And they would have to figure out how to live with that._ _

__“You’re good kids. So I’m not going to lie to you and say the life you choose is easy.” Nowak said stealing their drinks. “Those first years are going to be miserable and you’re not going to end up at good courts or playing in nice bars with stages to keep folks from getting handsy. You’re going to debut songs you think are great and get food thrown at you and you’ll be grateful for it because you’re hungry.”_ _

__“You kids don’t know what it’s like to be hungry yet. Too rich, the lot of you. But you’ll learn and you’ll wonder why you ever left your families houses. And then, then when you’re nice and comfortable where you are you’ll learn another hard lesson about bards.”_ _

__Nowak twisted the rings on his fingers. Only one of the bardic professors was married – a betrothal when they were young. After three children she’d become a professor and she never went home to visit the mistresses he kept._ _

__Several had made it to the alter. Or near to it anyway. They spoke of finding fiancées in their beds with others- assuming they had done the same. They probably had – bards were not known for being faithful after all. The best stories always had at least a grain of truth from which the tale took root._ _

__“No one keeps bards. Your nobles going to get bored of your songs and stories and what you’re willing to do in bed and they’ll find someone new.” The bar around them was loud but there was a stillness to their table. A bubble of quiet cold settling in. Priscilla didn’t let go of his chest and he held Valdo’s hand under the table as Nowak continued their drunken lesson. “They always find someone new. No one is going to keep you and you’d better fucking learn how to deal with it.”_ _

__They sat there. Perfectly still as Nowak finished their drinks. Glared at the empty tankards and stood for a refill._ _

__“Is Nowak right?” Someone with his voice asked._ _

__Priscilla squeezed him, pressing her chest into his back. “Nowak’s drunk” Valdo stated angrily in his now empty tankard._ _

__Which didn’t make what they’d said any less true._ _

__“Let’s go home.” Priscilla suggested._ _

__“And let them ruin our night?”_ _

__“Doesn’t have to be ruined.” She smiled at Valdo and squeezed him tighter to her._ _

__Valdo frowned harder and he squeezed his hand under the table. “You going to be a boring prick or do you want an adventurous life?”_ _

__Valdo scowled at him breaking free of his hand only to grab his wrist instead, pulling them out of the bar using the few extra inches he’d grown in the last few months to clear the way._ _

__There were courts you didn’t play at._ _

__But even after all these years sometimes luck and skill and fate – if she existed, which she did not – abandoned them._ _

__It had been a hard season and they had hardly two copper between them. Which wasn’t really an issue._ _

__They could get food- thrown and pulled off the bar floor if there was no coin to be made or foraged or hunted. They could sleep in barns in exchange for stories or work or simply slumber under the stars. They could mend their own clothing and make it last until times were better._ _

__That wasn’t a problem._ _

__But they couldn’t replace horse shoes._ _

__The farrier would do it. But he’d keep her as compensation until they could pay. Would eventually sell her if their bad luck continued for too long._ _

__He watched Geralt agree to the farrier’s terms. Calculating what they could sell. How far he could go on foot and which direction was most likely to lead to a decent job._ _

__There were courts you didn’t play at but there were things you did to survive. The request came fancy font from a skilled scribe offering more than what they needed for a single night of music._ _

__They’d pay. That wasn’t the issue with this lord._ _

__He just thought he was paying for more than music._ _

__Would take what he thought he was owed by force if needed._ _

__The courier shuffled his feet as he stared at the request. Weighing the pain against the reward._ _

__They hadn’t had a bed in weeks. Making do with bedrolls and the scratch of hay lofts. But he wanted to curl up in their bed anyway. A bed that was just theirs and no one else’s at least for the night. A bed where Geralt only ever asked nice things of him and listened when his body said stop even though he could never manage the words._ _

__He thought of how Geralt had been devastated when her shoe had broken. It was dangerous for her. It wasn’t as if they could make her continue on missing a shoe. She’d founder and die._ _

__And he weighed that hurt against the hurt of his betrayal. When he came back stinking of someone else._ _

__But it wasn’t like bards were for keeping anyway._ _

__“Found a drowner contract.” Geralt stated, sitting down across from him. Ignoring the courier, glaring at the request in Jaskier’s hands like he might be able to read it if he just stared at it hard enough._ _

__Drowner contracts paid shit because when it came down to it people could usually avoid them and a desperate enough group of villagers equipped with torches and makeshift weaponry could usually handle them. At least if there weren’t too many._ _

__It’d take a lot of drowner contracts to pay the farrier._ _

__“Well that’ll give you something to do while I earn us Roach’s shoes.” He passed over the message. The courier blinked, surprised, and stepped closer to confirm. He’d obviously witnessed plenty of bards turn down the overly generous offer._ _

__He watched the Roach sized weight ease off Geralt’s shoulders as he read and he knew he’d made the right choice. “Filipek sent you with some coin to sweeten the deal I’m sure.” The boy nodded. “Buy us a room, lunch, and a bath and we’ve an agreement.”_ _

__He frowned. “Lord Filipek has prepared accommodations for you.”_ _

__“I’m well aware but I think we will all be far happier without drowner guts dripped onto his floor, yes?” He said waving at Geralt. “Write the cost off as a bribe. Go on.” He nodded and moved to the innkeeper._ _

__“Lucky break.” Geralt commented, still staring at the sum. “All this for one night?”_ _

__“What can I say? There _are_ those who recognize my genius.”_ _

__Geralt snorted. “Genius. Right.” The barmaid dropped two ales in front of them and Geralt smiled like it was mana from the gods. Drinking for the first time in too long._ _

__This was the right choice._ _

__“I suspect the farrier will take that as proof of payment and do all of her feet. She must be due since the one broke.”_ _

__Geralt nodded and took another long sip._ _

__He couldn’t taste the ale but he savored every morsel of joy Geralt offered him._ _

__Maybe he could have one more round before this was all over. Before he ruined everything the way all bards did, with their open legs and easy smiles. With his inability to say no._ _

__“Whose bard am I Geralt?” He asked over the hearty meal they’d been provided that tasted of ash._ _

__Geralt smiled and shook his head. “Tonight Jaskier. Won’t risk you sleeping through the job.”_ _

__“Right.” He looked down at the half finished plate and shoved it to Geralt who began eating it without complaint. He got jittery enough before performances it wasn’t unexpected. He’d just made a habit of snacking between songs. “So. Drowners. Exciting stuff.”_ _

__Geralt shot him a flat look as he inhaled the food._ _

__“Made from the corpses of those drowned in the cursed waters nearby. Truly tragic tales.”_ _

__“You know they’re not.”_ _

__“Oh no my friend, you see I’m very experienced in these matters. I travel with a Witcher. I know exactly what I’m talking about.”_ _

__“Necrophages aren’t made from corpses, they eat them certainly but the anatomical differences makes it obvious they couldn’t have been human.” He explained shoveling the last of the food in. Aware on some level exactly how this conversation was going to go but unable to divert its course._ _

__“No I’m pretty sure they’re made from drowned people Geralt.”_ _

__“They’re not!” He began his lecture on the differences in drowners and humans followed by several anecdotes about how best to hunt them. He’d heard it before of course but he luxuriated in the cadence of Geralt’s voice. Committing to memory every detail of his Witcher that he could._ _

__Geralt wanted fidelity. Monogamy. Exclusivity._ _

__It was easy. It had been easy._ _

__He’d not loved a bed as fiercely since schooling._ _

__Since those lazy hours between classes when he and Valdo and Priscilla would lounge over each other working on compositions and half-assing assignments. Singing and playing and arguing and falling over and into each other._ _

__Not loved sex with someone so much since they’d all practiced on each other._ _

__Practiced making Priscilla come with his mouth and hands until she was a contented, sated mess in his arms. Not since he’d nervously gotten on his knees for Valdo and swallowed him down. Not since Valdo had bumped the back of his throat and every muscle had tensed with terror and Valdo had pulled back and Priscilla had held him in her arms until he relaxed and Valdo had walked him through what he could do instead while he calmed down so the lords wouldn’t get testy with him if he panicked._ _

__Because sex was a skill that they all had to master._ _

__Because they couldn’t afford to disappoint._ _

__Because the people they met out there were unlikely to slow down for untrained gag reflexes and vomiting on someone was a quick way to earn a beating._ _

__Because giving amazing head might make the difference between a satisfied lord and a torn ass when they decided spit counted as lubrication._ _

__He hadn’t felt truly safe in a bed since theirs. They were safe on that tiny mattress to be messy and terrible and imperfect. To try things and not like them and figure out how to push through them when inevitably they occurred while wrapped up in the safety of knowing they could all see the struggle and would help each other through it._ _

__They were safe on that tiny mattress. Safe with each other._ _

__And then there was Geralt._ _

__Geralt who didn’t expect sex in return for a shared bed. Geralt who didn’t mark his throat or bind him or try to extract pleasure from pain. Geralt who never requested threesomes or to sleep with someone else. Who just wanted their bed to be theirs. And it was so easy. It was so easy to always fall into Geralt’s arms. Strong and steady and his._ _

__He wanted to be someone’s. Be the first person in someone’s heart. Be special to someone. Be kept._ _

__He wanted that someone to be Geralt._ _

__Maybe the rumors were wrong about Filipek. Maybe Filipek wouldn’t take an interest in him. He let himself hope as he strut around the room playing for him. Stealing drinks and snacks from other guests’ plates._ _

__It only took one too salty drink to learn that trick._ _

__“You could have just asked.” He’d slurred to the Lady who’d done it. “Woulda said yes.”_ _

__“But it’s more fun this way. When you can’t say no.” She told him. His limbs too heavy to move. ”Helpless. At my mercy. I can do whatever I want with you.”_ _

___Wouldn’t say no anyway._ He couldn’t say, drooling onto the bed. _Wouldn’t give you that power.__ _

__

__Filpek’s eyes followed him around the room. His wife scoffing ‘ _Bards_ ’ as she took her leave early._ _

__Bards. Willing to do anything or anyone._ _

__He’d loved Vespula. Dreamed of staying in her bed forever._ _

__He would of course have to travel some part of the year. If he stayed too long it became apparent what an absolute shithole Novigrad was. Fucking eternal fire racist murder hungry bastards. But that wasn’t the point._ _

__The point was that he’d be her’s forever._ _

__And then she’d brought up Jeremi._ _

__“I know you like men too and he likes me and I just thought.” She waved between them and Jeremi who was taking an unnaturally long time to find their wine bottles. “It might be fun to try.”_ _

__Because no matter how good he was at sex no one was ever satisfied with just him._ _

__“You know bards. We’ll try anything.”_ _

__He’d hoped it would be so awkward after they’d go back to just the two of them. But Jeremi joined them more and more. Eventually sharing their bed without him in it._ _

__“Oh like you have _any_ right to get upset with me about Jeremi Jaskier!”_ _

__“And what’s that supposed to mean?” He screamed back, matching her in volume and pitch._ _

__“Don’t think I don’t see you making eyes at half the fucking city! I’m not stupid Jaskier! I know what bards are like!”_ _

__And there was no point in denying. That all he’d ever done was make eyes. That when Rowan had kissed his cheek on the edge of the Pontar he’d fallen in on purpose so he’d had an excuse to get away from her. So he wouldn’t risk her reading yes when he’d been screaming no. He’d only wanted Vespula’s bed._ _

__She wouldn’t believe him anyway._ _

__Because Bards would do anything and anyone._ _

__

__“Jaskier.” The lord called. “Aren’t you thirsty?” He offered a drink._ _

__He thought about what the rumors said. About the heavy sleeping potion. He’d wake up bruised, used and bandaged. How if he was strong enough to accept he wouldn’t have to cheat on Geralt. If he could just give up the power he had over this situation he could keep Geralt’s bed._ _

__“My lord that’s not necessary.” He purred. “I’d be _thrilled_ to share your bed.”_ _

__He grabbed the man’s wrist and pulled him from the hall._ _

__

__“Julian.” The Countess Stael spoke behind him. That name made it harder to not slip back to temple school or his Father’s study as his ass and thighs burned. But she hadn’t bound him for this so he still knew how to breathe through it. What to focus on, think of, to avoid slipping backwards to those places and disappointing. “You remember your safe word right?” Her hand rested on the small of his back and he nodded._ _

__He didn’t. He’d forgotten it as soon as it left his mouth._ _

__It was a useless word._ _

__He couldn’t say it because if he said it and she kept going-_ _

__Her hand stayed on his back and he knew he was failing her somehow and if he failed her she’d tire of him and he’d land out in the snow drifts._ _

__That was why he was here wasn’t it? To keep her satisfied and entertained since her husband could barely manage enough interest in sex to provide heirs. Sure she might like his music and poetry but there were plenty of bards who could play a pretty ditty and keep it up while someone beat their ass._ _

__“I thought I’d been _bad_. Weren’t you going to teach me a lesson?” He taunted._ _

__She scoffed and said something and the paddle was back._ _

__He could see the rabbits on the headboard dancing and the blue of the drapes and he could feel the silken sheets below him and-_ _

__“Julian why didn’t you stop me?” She rubbed a cream on the back of his thighs. He stayed on his side, staring at nothing. Letting himself untether from the pain in his body. “We can’t do this if you’re not going to be honest when somethings too much or you’re not enjoying it.”_ _

__“Then we can’t do this.” Someone told her._ _

__She let him stay until spring at least._ _

__

__He shoved into his throat and it was so tight he gagged – he hadn’t gagged in years but Geralt never- don’t think about Geralt- he was out of practice. He eased off and pulled every trick Valdo had taught him to keep lords distracted while he calmed down. He’d oiled his fingers and was trying to open himself up quickly._ _

__They said you could buy time for prep with head but if you got him off before he got to enjoy you he’d beat you black and blue. Maybe pull out a potion and take you all night in retribution._ _

__Geralt might believe that. That he hadn’t wanted it._ _

__But more likely he’d think Jaskier had just slunk back to his old ways._ _

__He pretended the stone under him was wood. That the cock in his mouth was Valdo’s. That the hands in his hair were long and calloused from playing the Mandolin. Pretended he was back in their bed in the dorms and everything was alright._ _

__He sunk down to the base._ _

__“Eager little slut aren’t you?”_ _

__Little flower – Valdo called – you open up so pretty when you relax. Open up for me little flower._ _

__He added another finger, ignoring the burn. It would hurt more if he wasn’t quick enough._ _

__They groaned above him before yanking him off. His throat hurt. They squeezed the base staving off the curl in their toes._ _

__“Can’t. Can’t leave a whore like you empty can I?” They gasped._ _

__He pulled his fingers out and shoved them back on the bed, straddling them._ _

__He had power here. No one could take from him what he freely gave away. He sunk down breathing through the discomfort. The torches flickered orange. The bedsheets were brown. The cock was smaller than Geralt’s-_ _

__Don’t think about Geralt._ _

__This was like the first time he’d taken Valdo. Not quite enough lube but he’d managed because they hadn’t know better and he would managed now._ _

__They groaned in him and he stilled._ _

__“You’ve got a foul mouth on you. You’re lucky I like it.” They yanked him down for a kiss. One person had mentioned ropes. That she’d had burns from bindings on her wrists and ankles when she woke. He kissed it back, massaging the wakefulness from its muscles until it fell asleep under him._ _

__He listened until it became slow and heavy._ _

__He opened the drawers of the nightstand. Plenty of equipment._ _

__And rope._ _

__He closed the drawer. Dressed. Retrieved the coin._ _

__He’d made the right call._ _

__He didn’t respond well to ropes. To being bound._ _

__There were too many moments when death or pain had awaited a single misplaced step. When not being able to flee would have guaranteed a painful end._ _

__It was a common enough reality in his life. That was all. Drugged and bound and raped he might have screamed himself to death._ _

__He might not have remembered it. That didn’t mean it wouldn’t have hurt._ _

__He scrubbed every inch of his skin clean in the bathtub. Scrubbed it red with the cheap lye soap they’d provided._ _

__But he hadn’t been any of those things. He knew not to drink from his cup and he knew how to listen to the rumors and he knew how to satisfy and he knew how to say yes._ _

__Which meant he wasn’t a victim._ _

__He was a cheater._ _

__No matter how hard he scrubbed Geralt would know. He’d smell it on his skin and if he didn’t smell it on his skin he’d smell it on the bathwater and if he dumped the water Geralt would still see it on his face._ _

__See that everything everyone said about bards was true._ _

__He hoped Geralt would still take the money for Roach’s shoes. Roach didn’t deserve to suffer because he couldn’t keep his legs closed._ _

__The water grew cold around him and he wanted to throw up but that didn’t matter and that would bring him no relief so he stayed where he was and thought about nothing at all._ _

__“Jaskier?” He flinched out of the empty haze. “What’s wrong?”_ _

__“I cheated on you.” Better to get this over quickly. “Coin’s in your room.”_ _

__

__Jaskier was in the baths when he returned. He'd taken the opportunity to clean up his armor, wipe down, and spread out on the most comfortable surface he'd felt in weeks._ _

__In the morning they'd go retrieve Roach with her new shoes and continue on with healthy savings._ _

__He blinked awake. The room a few shades greyer with darkness._ _

__No Jaskier._ _

__Which meant he'd fallen asleep in the bath._ _

__He knocked on the washroom door calling out his name as he opened the door._ _

__Jaskier was not asleep._ _

__The room was rancid with misery._ _

__He stepped around the divider taking in the still water and raw red skin of his neck. The festering stench of hours of misery in long cooled water._ _

__"What's wrong?"_ _

__"I cheated on you." He said without movement or inflection. "Coin’s in your room."_ _

__That sunk into the tender wound of his heart. Into how he'd never be enough to Keep Jaskier. How he'd yet again lost someone he loved to another because he wasn't enough. Because he couldn’t say I love you out loud and he was boring in bed and – and – and-_ _

__And then the shock faded and the pain dug in at the wrong angle because something wasn't right. Not like when a contact lied to him –because Jaskier wasn’t lying- but like when they had assembled the pieces wrong and something didn't fit right._ _

__He rounded the tub taking in the rawness of his skin and the glaze to his eyes and the room warm water that had goosebumps breaking along his skin and there was the scent of a stranger – a man- under the soap and sadness but._ _

__“Alright.” He offered the towel to him. “Time to get out.”_ _

__Jaskier turned to him then. Looking at his hand. The Towel. Confused why he was still there._ _

__“I cheated on you.” He repeated digging the knife deeper._ _

__“You said.” He ground out. “Can you stand?”_ _

__Several long moments passed of Jaskier staring at him before he nodded. Forcing himself up on shaky knees supported by the rim of the tub._ _

__He stood there and dripped. Not taking the towel._ _

__He wrapped it around his shoulders. Patting him dry through the towel._ _

__Jaskier stared at his chest. Not moving from the chilled water._ _

__“Out.”_ _

__“I cheated on you.”_ _

__He sighed and lifted him from the tub by the armpits wrapping a second towel around his chest and waist as Jaskier leaned on him, shivering. “Which were not discussing while you freeze in the bath.”_ _

__“What’s there to discuss? I cheated on you.” Jaskier asked his shoulder._ _

__“I’m going to pick you up now.” He warned. There was no uptick in heartrate or distress so he followed through. Tossing him over his shoulder and hauling him to their room._ _

__It was odd. Something about this was wrong._ _

__Jaskier had seemed so happy with him._ _

__He said he was happy with their bed. That there was no other bed he wanted more. That he enjoyed Geralt’s bed most. He believed him._ _

__He’d said he didn’t need Geralt to say I love you because he showed it and Jaskier was so good at translating that he could hear it even though he couldn’t find the words. And he’d believed that too._ _

__And sure things had been hard recently but he’d never seemed tempted to accept a better offer. One with an actual mattress and hot food and plenty of drink._ _

__He seemed so content. He’d asked for a round before he’d left even. Hadn’t spent the night at the nobles far nicer accommodations-_ _

__Except he had. Hadn’t he?_ _

__And now he was here._ _

__He wrapped Jaskier in the blankets to combat the shivering that was progressing to shaking. Leaned him against the headboard and sat next to him. Shoulder to shoulder._ _

__“What happened?”_ _

__Jaskier laughed harshly. Voice rougher than normal. “I cheated on you- what do you want details?” He didn’t but Jaskier continued, “I sucked his dick and then I rode him and I kissed him and massaged him until he fell asleep. Is that enough for you?”_ _

__“Who-“_ _

__“The lord obviously!” He buried his head in his knees and gripped his hair tightly. “Take the coin. Please. Don’t make Roach suffer because-“ He stopped. Knuckles turning white where they tangled in his hair._ _

__His stomach sunk with a half formed thought as he stared at the coin bag on the nightstand._ _

__The way Jaskier had looked at the request. The stillness to him then. He’d thought it was a letter from his parents._ _

__He’d thought it a boon when he read it. A change in their luck at last._ _

__Jaskier should have been ecstatic. He’d been so subdued._ _

__“Because?”_ _

__“Because I can’t keep my legs closed.”_ _

__He shrunk further into himself. The pieces rotated and clicked together. The floor dropping out under him as it did._ _

__Jaskier had accepted the job because of him. Because of Roach._ _

__Jaskier had known the Lord would try to sleep with him._ _

__Jaskier had because-_ _

__“That’s not what they pay you for- You’re a bard not a prostitute Jaskier!”_ _

__He snorted darkly. “You know what the difference between a bard and a prostitute is Geralt?”_ _

__“Jaskier that’s not-“_ _

__“Don’t have to pay a bard.”_ _

__He’d heard that joke plenty of times over the years but he hadn’t thought- hadn’t thought Jaskier heard it._ _

__Hadn’t thought he _believed_ it._ _

__His hands hovered over Jaskier. Unsure if he could touch._ _

__“Why didn’t you say no?”_ _

__He knew it was a mistake as soon as the words left his mouth._ _

__The hysterical laughter was a pretty good cue as well._ _

__Jaskier had never once said no when they’d had sex._ _

__Not when he’d pushed too far down Jaskier’s mouth risking his voice._ _

__Not when he’d started sucking marks into Jaskier’s neck and he’d frozen. Heart racing._ _

__Not when he’d held Jaskier’s hands above his head and his feet had tangled in his trousers and his eyes had glazed over and fear had overwhelmed the sweet smell of arousal._ _

__He’d stopped. He’d calmed him with reassurances and warm hands and Jaskier had always melted. Contented. Thrilled that he’d stopped._ _

__But he’d never asked him to._ _

__“No?” He’d shaken free from his previous position. “Say no he says.” Hands covering his face. “As if that’d stop anyone.” Tears welled in his eyes around the desperate laughter. “I can’t say no.”_ _

__He had a pretty good idea of why but- “Why not?”_ _

__“Because then its rape!” Jaskier snapped. Looking at time for the first time in. Too long._ _

__He opened his arms a little wider. To make the offer clear._ _

__Jaskier squeezed his eyes closed and nodded._ _

__He pulled him into his lap and Jaskier buried himself in the crook of his neck with a sob._ _

__“Why are you still here? I cheated on you.”_ _

__“That’s not cheating Jaskier.”_ _

__‘It is.” He insisted._ _

__“What did you think he’d do if you said no?”_ _

__The silence, uptick in heartbeat and the fear wafting off him spoke volumes._ _

__“You’re safe.” He promised tucking Jaskier further into him. “You don’t have to answer that.”_ _

__“Why are you still here?”_ _

__“Because you’re still my bard Jaskier.” He pet his hair. “You’re still my friend.” He squeezed him to his chest. “And if you want you can still be mine.”_ _

__A confused noise escaped Jaskier. He nuzzled him. Trying to reassure._ _

__“Mine.” He repeated. “If you want.”_ _

__“I do. I want.” Jaskier swallowed thickly. “To be yours. Just yours.”_ _

__His chest eased slightly._ _

__“But” Jaskier pushed away from him. He let him although his chest broke with the motion. “I cheated on you. That’s not okay. You’re not allowed to be okay with that.”_ _

__He wasn’t okay with this._ _

__But it wasn’t cheating._ _

__He wanted to explain that wasn’t cheating. That the absence of a no did not make a yes. That if you were afraid of what would happen if you said no then a yes didn’t mean shit._ _

__But he didn’t think that was a conversation Jaskier could handle tonight._ _

__“I’m not okay with it.” Jaskier flinched in his arms. He tilted Jaskier’s face towards his with a fingertip. “How dare he touch you. You’re mine. For as long as you want to be, you’re mine and no one else gets to touch you that way.”_ _

__“I want to be yours forever.”_ _

__He smiled and leaned in to kiss him. Stopping just a breath before._ _

__Jaskier covered the distance._ _

__“Next time you think someone’s going to do something like this- tell me. Tell me so I can make sure they know exactly whose you are.”_ _

__“Yours?” Jaskier’s hands roamed his torso. He leaned in for another kiss._ _

__He kissed him back. “Mine.”_ _

__“Can we?” Jaskier’s hands pushed up his shirt and he caressed the hard muscle and sensitive skin. “Please?”_ _

__He wasn’t sure if he could trust Jaskier’s yes tonight. That this wasn’t a destructive impulse. “I don’t think that’s a good idea.”_ _

__Jaskier’s hands stopped their roaming. “Right. Course not. I’ll just-” He pulled away._ _

__He tightened his grip. “I want to.” He eased his grip so Jaskier could escape if he wanted to. “I just don’t want to hurt you.”_ _

__He laughed. “I love you.” Tucked his head into his shoulder. He nosed at Jaskier’s hair. “You won’t hurt me. I’m tougher than that.”_ _

__That’s what he was worried about. “I don’t want you to tough it out.”_ _

__He laughed. “You do it all the time.”_ _

__He squeezed Jaskier tighter. “And what do you say every time I do?” Every time he came back injured. Every time he grit his teeth and went without a bath because they were short on coin even though it made him feel terrible. Every time he ate less so Jaskier wouldn’t go hungry._ _

__Jaskier stopped laughing. “Point made.”_ _

__He doubted it. “I want to have sex with you.” He restated. “But not tonight.” Not when Jaskier’s skin was still red. Not when the scent of his despair still clung to his skin. Not when he was terrified Jaskier was doing this as a punishment. Consciously or not._ _

__“Because I cheated on you.” He nodded with heartbreaking understanding._ _

__“No.” Because it wasn’t. “If you want to in the morning we can.”_ _

__He could hear Jaskier’s mind churning. “But only if you want to right?”_ _

__“Yeah. Only if we both want to.”_ _

__“Right.” He quietly murmured into his collar bone. “Both of us.”_ _

__“You. You have wanted it right? You weren’t just doing it because you.” His throat was closing. “Thought you had to?”_ _

__“Oh Geralt.” He turned up to look at him. Took his face in his hands. “I’ve always wanted you. Your bed. This. Always.” He pressed another kiss to him. “Promise Geralt. In your bed I know i'm safe.”_ _

__He shuffled them down into the bed. Laying them down on their sides. Safe. “Okay.”_ _

__“Sure I can’t suck your dick?” He pulled up the blanket over them. “I miss little Geralt.”_ _

__“Don’t call it that.”_ _

__He grinned. “But I love little Geralt! He’s always so happy to see me!”_ _

__“So am I.” He leaned over and kissed his nose. “In the morning.”_ _

__“I love that.”_ _

__“Hm?”_ _

__“That I get to stay in your bed anyway.”_ _

__“You never owe me sex. Not to stay with me Jaskier. Not for anything.”_ _

__“I know.” He shuffled into his chest. His heartrate slowing to slumber. “And I love you all the more for it.”_ _

__He cradled the back of Jaskier’s head against his chest as he drifted off. Breathing in the soft settling of contentment from his skin. Relaxing into the safety of having Jaskier in his arms. Bathing in the trust Jaskier had in him to feel safe in his bed._ _

__“And I, you.” He told him in the hopes Jaskier knew. That he would one day be able to say it when he was awake. Because he did. He loved him so much. “I love you.”_ _

__And one day. He’d tell him that when he was awake too._ _

**Author's Note:**

> Hey. Hope you had. Fun? Hm. Hope you enjoyed. And for those of you who've Read the first two parts (Wholesome porn apparently?) hope you didn't get whiplash. Let me know if i missed any key tags.
> 
> Remember comments/Kudos make the words go! Love yall!


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